Breaking The Deadline

I have to admit, it’s rather ironic that the one word that kept running around in my mind these past few weeks, is “deadline”.  Ironic in the sense that the deadline for this blog crept up on me like Luke Skywalker on that ominous Death Star; I did not see it coming!  But here I am, penning down a piece about deadlines while almost missing my deadline on this piece about deadlines.

In all honesty, I (and I suspect many of you) thoroughly and passionately hate deadlines.  Unfortunately deadlines are an integral part of our daily lives and unless you strap on a jetpack and leave this planet, you’ll find it very hard to escape them.  And, to be fair, they are actually a necessary part of helping a business or company achieve their goals, reaching their ideals and delivering on their promises.  I guess you could say in a sense a promise is just a lie if there’s no deadline.

But I’ve come to realize that I have gotten into the habit of burdening myself with deadlines that shouldn’t even be deadlines.  At first this thought seemed ridiculous to me, but the more I spent time on it, I realized that somewhere in the back of my mind I always found that I was racing towards something; putting time limits on things that no-one forced me to put a time limit on in the first place.

For instance, I find myself forever dividing my evenings into how much time I have before I absolutely have to go to sleep, because that would dictate how many episodes of my favourite series I can squeeze in.  I know I’m the only person in the whole wide world that does this, right?  Also, I constantly have to stop myself from feeling like I’m missing out on stuff because I haven’t had the time yet to experience them, mainly because you think you have to have certain things in your life in place by the time you reach a certain age.

This kind of thinking definitely has a negative effect on my emotions and if I don’t make my self-inflicted deadline, I feel disappointed and that I have somehow failed at something.  Writing it down like this causes a cock-your-head-to-the-side-with-a-“duh”-frown reaction, because how do I not know this?  Isn’t this supposed to be common sense?

Not so much.  I get sucked in by the busyness and deadlines around me and I am pretty sure I’m not the only one who feels this way.

So I’ve made a decision: walk slower.  Just let those two words sink in for a second. I realized that by deliberately walking slower I allow myself more time to see things, hear things, experience things, meet people.  It forces me to spend more time in a particular place, putting me in the perfect position to open up to things that I otherwise never would have noticed were there.

Let me tell you, I’ve been doing this for the past month and I’ve noticed a difference.  The less I rush towards imaginary deadlines, the more I carefully pick the things I want to spend time on; and that means that my spirit and my heart becomes healthier, which opens them up to even more invigorating experiences and moments.  Even my mind has started wandering towards more creative places, and we all know that a creative mind is a healthy mind!

If you're up for the challenge I dare you to deliberately focus your mind away from your unnecessary deadlines.  In doing so you will be breaking the deadline and opening up your life to so much more.  Walk slower.

Born To Run

The opening scenes of two of my favourite TV shows feature someone running for dear life:  One of them is running through snow-covered woods in the middle of the night, while the other is scaling treacherous mountainous terrain on an uncharted island on an overcast day.  Both of them are running because their lives depend on it.

As the snow turns her bare feet into ice and the woods loom over her like the bringer of doom it always appears to be in the dark, Max is running away from captivity, experimentation, torture and militant brainwashing. Oliver’s tortured body barely even registers the pain inflicted by the sharp and jagged edges of the mountains he’s grown so accustomed to during the last five years, but now at least he is running towards something: his home, his family and his destiny.

The above situations aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive.  In its most basic form it stands to reason that when you are running away from something it also means that you are running towards something else.  More than once in my life I’ve run.  I’m still running.

Let me ask you this:

Do you ever feel like you are standing outside of your life?  Even with everyone and everything around you, do you feel isolated, maybe even hunted?  It might even seem that you are parallel to this world you exist in, but you are not in it?  Almost like two train tracks that run alongside each other but they never intersect.

You’ve considered running, physically running away and starting a life somewhere different; somewhere that allows you to start with a clean slate, a new vision, a different mind-set.  But where do you run?  What would you have to do to run away completely, disappear completely?  Or do you just distance yourself emotionally and mentally from everyone and everything around you?  How would that affect the people in your life that care about you?  What do you tell them when you stand at the door with a bag in your hand and no real plans for the immediate future?

In all honesty, I’ve had this feeling many times before.  I’ve dreamed of packing a bag with the bare necessities, skipping town (skipping my life) and making my way somewhere so different it would force me to be completely different.  I even had a mental checklist:  Close bank accounts, delete email accounts, Facebook accounts, all social media traces.

I’ve found myself longing for the open road, a new beginning and an opportunity at anonymity in a strange and new land, but I didn’t know why I had this turmoil inside of me, why my heart ached for such freedom and my soul longed for a new identity.  Sometimes you experience urgency inside your spirit that pushes you so hard that you feel you need to take drastic steps to distance yourself from whatever is holding you back.  Maybe your gift, your passion, your calling, your destiny is setting you apart.  Maybe that is the thing that is hiking up your heart rate, causing the shallow breathing; almost like you are being chased.

Does running help?  Maybe.  If not running, what then?  Could running be channelled into something else?  Possibly.  Every single one of us is unique.  So my urgency to run will definitely be different from yours.  It doesn’t mean it’s wrong; it doesn’t mean it’s right.  All it means is that we need to figure out why we feel compelled to run and where we are being pushed towards.

So figure out your why and where.  The best way to do this?  I would suggest that it’s about having an open and honest heart to heart with God.  After all, He’s the one that created you for exactly this time and place.

So turn to Him.  You might end up running into the outstretched arms of your destiny…

That Pesky "Why?"

Yesterday my boss kept asking "Why? Why? Why?" like a child.  Eventually I told him to shut up and he laughed, saying that he can't tell his three year old to shut up, he'd have to come up with a better answer than that.  Which, I guess, is probably true.  But that reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend whom I haven't spoken to in a very long time.  And even though it would have been much more enjoyable to have the conversation face to face, we made a pretty good effort over Facebook.

So, Deidre, you inspired this post, thank you for that!

Please understand that I can't hope to even remotely be in the same galaxy as Wisdom, but I've been through my fair share of "why?" moments.  Let me tell you, they suck.  A lot.  And just because you hear of others that have gone through the same valleys, marshes, quicksand and fiery pits, doesn't mean it makes it easier for you.  It's your pit and you're tasked with the wonderful mission of going through it.  Yay.

But here's the thing, you are going through it.  And do you know what the secret is?  It's quite simple in my opinion (fine, simple is probably not the word you guys would use for the situation you're in, but I'm using it anyway).  

Keep asking the questions; keep asking why; keep knocking at that door and don't stop...for anything.  Do you want to know why?  Of course you do.  Do it, because the answers are coming.  Like a tsunami raging through your questions, the answers will flatten them, make sense of them and rebuild them.  It's the natural order of things.  Just like life and death, a question has an answer, and that answer will come when you keep asking the question.

Again, I'm not saying it's going to be easy.  You might be sitting there reading this thinking that you've asked the same question for 10 years, 15 years, 25 years and it still doesn't look like the answer is anywhere in sight.  I know, it's horrible, and nothing I say will make the strain go away in the blink of an eye.  But it gives hope and hope is a very powerful thing.  As long as there is hope you are moving forward; and as long as you're moving forward you are moving in the direction of the answer.

Oh, and please don't get distracted by answers to other people's questions.  I'm preaching to myself here.  Seeing others getting their answers while you're still waiting in painful silence is not the easiest thing in the world.  Everything inside of you rebels and you want to smash something because life is just unfair.  I know...again...it sucks.  But think about it, their answer was not made for your question.  Your question is unique, therefore your answer will be unique.  

So I ask you very nicely, please don't ever stop asking questions. Ever.  The answers will come and they will be gloriously beautiful and perfect, because that's who you are.

Our Born Identity

This blog previously appeared on www.1africa.tv

When I was younger (and when I say younger, I have to admit that I’m still convinced I’m “younger”) I used to think it would be really cool to discover that I have hidden talents.  Almost like being a secret agent.  More specifically, I would have loved to discover that I was Jason Bourne.

When you think about the Bourne movies and the fact that Jason Bourne can’t remember who he is, what makes him unique or what his character flaws or attributes are, it’s pretty scary.  But then his muscles, his body, the synapses in his brain remember how to move, how to defend and how to disarm.  Him discovering that he has skills that he is unable to recall until it is absolutely needed, must be amazing, but also alarming at the same time.   How did he come by these skills?  How did he get trained?  Who is he?  What is he?

Apart from the obvious setbacks of course I’d love to be able to discover some hidden awesomeness about myself that makes me the best there is in a particular field. I wouldn’t want to lose my memory or my sense of self though.  Funnily enough, I think I may have stumbled across something that I didn’t know I had in me until the moment presented itself.

A few weeks ago my character and integrity was attacked out of the blue and I was accused of things that simply weren’t true.  Now normally (as I believe most people would react) I would rant and rave about how unfair it is that another person could think that they have the right to judge me when they haven’t made the time to even get to know me.  Bear in mind that this person has never been in my immediate world, which means they have never seen how I conduct myself.  I’m sure you will agree that I would have been justified in displaying a temper flare-up.

The weird thing was though, I didn’t react negatively.  I didn’t go off at anybody within ear-shot about how unfair this judgment was and I didn’t get offended or blame that person for saying those things.  In that second, that moment, my anger didn’t dictate my actions; I didn’t even feel any anger.  I was simply able to take a tiny step back and see it for what it was: not a true reflection of me.

Thinking back now, I’d love to say that I exhibited my inner Wolverine in that moment.  Wolverine probably had no idea that first day that he would be able to control his anger even a little bit.  When the scientists first experimented on him he must have been in extreme and excruciating pain and that pain grew into anger.  To such an extent that he became a recluse, because he had no control over his anger and what it could make him do.  But life placed him in situations, in moments, that slowly but surely taught him to be in control of his emotions, which in turn kept him from hurting innocents.

I think that is what happens to all of us.  We don’t become Superheroes overnight; and even the most composed person on earth still has to make a conscious decision to not get angry.  I believe that growth is the answer; and not just growth, but the choice to grow through your circumstances, through your negative moments and through uncontrollable outside influence.

We have all been “trained” like Jason Bourne, whether we remember the moments or not, so that when we are placed in a situation that requires a particular skill set, we are ready.  Once you choose to grow and learn, you will eventually turn into someone that is able to distribute amazing maturity and contentment, no matter what is thrown your way.

No, I’m not saying that we will turn into emotionless, tactless, uniform robots.  We will be better versions of ourselves, and essentially that is where I want to be: A better version of myself.

The Perception Filter

This post was previously published on www.1africa.tv.

Having a Perception Filter is probably one of the most naturally human tendencies each and every one of us has. Of course you may disagree and that is okay, but give yourself a moment to think about it and you might understand what I mean.

In my personal opinion, the genre of sci-fi mostly is a good reflection of what is happening in our society today (Or maybe it’s just because I love it so much that I think it’s ‘da bomb!’).  I say mostly, because not all science fiction is bearable.  Some is just downright awful and painful.  Here’s what I mean:

In the British Cult Sci-fi show Doctor Who, The Doctor (a Time Lord traveling through time and space, but favouring our planet, of course) once had to alter the perception of people around him in order to get what he needed to save the planet and the existence of human life as we know it.  Now, technically it’s a bit scary to think that someone has the power to alter your perception without you even realizing it, but that started me thinking…

I hardly ever listen to the radio or watch the news, but as we all know, we live in an extremely well connected world because of the internet and the different media platforms we are surrounded by.  So obviously we catch glimpses of headlines, particularly the Oscar Pistorius story that is still making headlines.

The media loves being in charge of what we perceive, what we encounter and what we believe.  It’s their job to control what the rest of the world is talking about.  To be honest, I’m not all that comfortable with the idea of strangers telling me what to think and feel.  So, in light of this, it’s always refreshing to find an artist (in this particular instance) who goes against the grain.

Let me explain:  Bon Jovi, Pink and Lifehouse, along with Natasha Bedingfield, have all recently released singles that speak contrary to mainstream Rock and Pop Music.  Bon Jovi’s “Because We Can” speaks of taking a stand and working at your relationship; Pink’s “Try” touches on how to work through the problems and obstacles of a seemingly broken relationship; and Lifehouse and Natasha Bedingfield’s “Walking Between the Raindrops” brings it home by focusing on having someone beside you during the hard times.

This made me think about my immediate world; the world that I live in, the people I encounter and the things that I allow to influence me.  How do I allow things to alter my perception of my surroundings, my friends, my family and the strangers I may encounter on the street?  Do I filter my perception through preconceived ideas of what a situation is supposed to be like, or do I judge a person by the perception I have of them due to something that may have happened in my past?  Or, do I allow someone else to control my perception filter as with The Doctor’s scenario earlier?  Do the words and actions of another individual influence my conduct towards a stranger?

Sadly, I have to admit that, as with most people, I can easily be influenced to filter my perception the wrong way, a negative way.

So, here’s my challenge (to myself and to anyone reading this):  Why don’t we determine right now that we are going to filter our perception through something reliable…or even someone reliable.  Jesus is the ultimate Perception Filter.  When God looks at us, He sees us through His Son Jesus.  When we look at people, situations and moments, we should do the same.  I’m about to give my Perception Filter a reboot (and a good old cleaning!)… this is going to be exciting!