Destiny

Given enough time to look at the word “Destiny”, I think we must all eventually agree that it comes complete with a very weighty and daunting definition.  We’ve all wondered, at some point in our lives and existence, what our destiny is; why we are here.

A lot of people are of the opinion that destiny picks you and, try as you might, you can’t change it, you can’t escape it.  Others believe that you make your own destiny; you are the one that decides what you want to be a part of and how your life will turn out.

The first belief implies that you have absolutely no control over the path you walk and the choices you make.  This is overwhelming, scary and unacceptable for the control freaks among us.  It implies that we are mindless, will-less and choice-less in all matters pertaining to our future.

The second belief implies that, even though each and every one of us has a destiny, we can choose to ignore it, sail around it and avoid it at all cost.  It implies that, even if you were born for a purpose, you can choose to hide in a corner and not fulfil it.  For those of us who like structure and guidance, this is a truly scary thought.

Personally I believe that there are a little bit of both scenarios rolled up into the matter of our destiny.  And this might sound like the “middle ground cop-out”…and you might be right, maybe I am trying to soothe my own mind and trick it into not freaking out.

So let’s give it a whirl and see what we come up with.  I’ll obviously do this analysis from my own frame of reference…because it’s the only frame I have.  But please feel free to figure it out for yourself.

Look, I would love it if the first belief was true.  It would mean that I would walk into my destiny without having to try very hard.  Let’s say I was meant to be a corporate giant in the obscure property market: I would ensure that potential buyers found the perfect private island on which to establish their own personal paradise...or whatever is rich people do for fun.  If I was going to become that giant anyway, why would I want to work for it?  Why would I spend the time studying or acquiring what I need to fulfil my destiny?  I could just sit back, do whatever I want and the opportunities would come knocking at my door.  Fine, I know I’m being a bit extreme, but isn’t that what it boils down to?

On the flip-side, you might be destined to become something you have absolutely no interest in or desire to become.  And try as you might, you can’t make a success of anything else except the one thing you would rather NOT be doing.

It works both ways.

Then you have the “I have a destiny, but I don’t actually want to fulfil it” scenario.  I believe there might be more truth in this one, to be honest.  Yes, you’re supposed to become a great scientist who continuously conquers the next big scare, saves the world and immediately starts working on the next challenge. Or whatever seems awesome and humble and not self-serving.  It’s a great destiny to have, but for some reason you decide that you don’t want to fulfil it.  It doesn’t mean you are a bad person; it also doesn’t mean that there will be a great big hole in the world because now no-one can figure out the cure for whatever disease might try to wipe out the human race next. It just means that someone else will probably fill your shoes, life will go on and you will do something else with your future.

But, let’s be honest, we are all desperately searching for our destiny; our reason for being here, so when we do find out what it is, a definite feeling of relief washes over us.  It gives us purpose, focus and fulfilment.  So why would you choose to ignore your destiny when you’ve spent your whole life searching for it?  Wouldn’t it be easier if our destiny was built into our DNA from conception and we would instinctively know where to go, what to do, how to pursue it?

Well, I think to a certain extent, that’s exactly what happens.  Anybody can do anything; we all have the potential, but all of us have different passions, desires, beliefs and things we choose to do in our spare time.  THAT is what pushes you in a specific direction.  You have the potential for anything built into your DNA (yes, of course you can also be a superhero, why not?), but you have the knack for specific things engraved into your character.

That’s why you sign up for knitting classes, language classes, sketching classes or self-defence classes (for that superhero destiny, right?); and your friend signs up for cake-decorating classes, math tutoring classes and drum lessons.  Your knack is different from your friends.

And that is so exciting.  No, not the knitting classes…personally I don’t think it’s that exciting, it was just an example, really.  No, I mean it’s exciting that every one of us can do anything.  Forget about the stuff you are naturally attracted to.  Okay, no, wait, don’t forget about it entirely, there is a reason you like them so much.  What I mean is, try to concentrate on the truth of you being able to do anything.

Anything.

I’ll give you a moment to think about it, because it’s huge.

Anything.

It’s not that easy though.  I apologize profusely for bringing you back from your epiphany, but we all know that going after something you really want to do is going to be hard work.  I suffer from that disappointment too.  Sometimes I throw a full-on adult tantrum because I so desperately want my destiny to be easy.  My heart longs for something, I set my sights on it and I work towards it…and then it is just so difficult!  You reach out, you network, you speak to anybody and everybody with ears, but it stays out of reach.  You run out of options, you try all the angles, you struggle because the finances just aren’t there, the resources seem to elude you and everything seems to stay just outside your periphery.

It sucks.   I hate it when it happens, I hate it when it affects me, I hate it when my efforts don’t show any fruit and I hate it when people keep telling me that I shouldn’t lose heart.  I’ve had enough experience with disappointment…I know how it feels.

I’m sorry, but I’m also going to tell you to keep heart, keep at it, keep working.  Not because I believe it with every fibre of my being, but because my head tells me it’s true; because it HAS to be true.  I see the evidence in people’s lives, not necessarily always in my own life, but I do see evidence of it.  And it’s enough evidence to make me realize that there must be some truth in it. So this is me believing that, yes, I have a destiny that is partially engraved in who I am, but I also choose that destiny for myself and it will absolutely not fall in my lap.  I have to work at what I want; I cannot give up; I have to pick myself up and I have to pursue it wholeheartedly.  And I can do absolutely anything.

It can be done.  You can do it and I can do it.  So what do you say?  Want to give it go?