Simple

I want to warn you right from the start that, if you're going to ask me "How long have you felt like this?", or "What do you want to do, then?", or "But what do you like doing?", or "Why does it take you so long to figure this out?", I'm either going to get irritated or just not give you an answer. Truthfully, I'm processing; this is my mode of processing.

A nagging feeling has existed inside of me for a long time. This feeling of uneasiness has plagued me and I don't think it's going to go away. My sister once described it as the 'runaway' feeling. Ever felt like that? Ever thought of just bolting through the door and running, and wherever you stop, you'll just decide to start again?

I have the 'runaway' virus permanently lying dormant inside of my system...I'm a carrier. It scratches on the inside, forcing me to wonder and believe that there is something much bigger and more interesting just outside my peripheral vision. This same feeling causes me to constantly look for something new, more exciting etc.

I know there are those of you out there that can relate. I just can't settle into a mediocre life. I do become passive, though, but my brain never stops.

This "Is there something bigger?" question was partially answered a couple of years ago when I attended the Hillsong Conference in London. Obviously God is the biggest and most fullfilling thing that I can be a part of. I know that and I will never NOT know it.

But today I'm sitting here wondering where my uniqueness fits in; where does my passions, interests and character find their perfect place? I haven't found it yet; I have a rough idea, but I'm still working on it, and I have no clue how long it's going to take.

The point is, I want to be all I can be, and do all I can do. Simple really.

The Dove

I didn't grow up having animals around the house. No cats, dogs, hamsters or other fluffy beautiful things that seem to belong in a kid's life. There were very good and legitimate reasons for this, of course.

While I was living in London, my sister decided that she would love to have a cat and I always fancied myself a cat-person, but when I decided to return home, we discovered that I was extremely allergic to it. Go figure.

Anyway, as we all know, cats love to surprise us with gifts! And mostly we try to not freak out when we find dead things lying around (mostly intestines), and we're managing the frequency of these occurences very subtly as well.

My sister and I have had the honour of walking into the house, having to clean up and disinfect the 'scene of the crime', cracking CSI 'bloodspatter' jokes. Fun times!

Yesterday, however, was a bit of a different story. Our cat had his sights on a dove...a dove with a broken wing. Naturally my sister took the cat as far away as possible, and I tried to get the dove out of harms way. I managed to pick it up and wrap it in a towel before I moved it to a different place, but to be honest, the wing needed fixing, and I had no idea what to do. I had to leave it in the park, I sat with it for a while, but I knew that there would just be another cat, another day.

It still bugs me, because I might not have grown up with animals around me, but it doesn't mean that I don't love them.