Why....? On So Many Levels...

The "Why?" question can be applied to an infinite number of things in our lives. I wish to apply it to only one thing at the moment:

MY JOB!!!!!

I sit here on a daily basis, staring at numbers. Numbers??!! For crying out loud! Numbers, math and anything related to numbers and figures have NEVER made sense to me...not even a little bit. I don't see patterns, solutions, answers or pictures in them. To me it's just a bunch of scribbles.

So, what does 90% of my job entail? Figuring out what the relationship and pattern is between numbers. What the hell?

And I'm not talking Rocket Science, Deep Space Telemetry, hardcore Math Geek stuff here. This is simple 1+1 = 2 baby steps.

I hate it...I really really do, and I don't see why I've been stuck at this job for almost a year. It sucks and I never ever want to do it again.

I'm a creative person...always have been. It's the way God made me, the way I'm wired. And I know that there's a reason for my being where I am right now, but is it too much to ask to just be clued into the "why?".

I surf the net daily, looking for jobs, applying for jobs, telling anyone that wants to listen that I'm looking for another job. I've been doing this for 12 months straight...nothing. Nada.

And I'm standing there...somewhere on the outskirts of my life, looking at the way I'm reacting to all of this, and it's not good. My brain's been shutting down, and I think I'm suffering from some sort of weird-ass depression. I have absolutely no motivation for anything anymore...except lying on my bed, watching DVD's.

That's it.