Begging For Forgiveness

My life is not a movie and it's not a game.  I can't just top-up on whatever I need, or reset the level with the click of a button.  We sometimes forget that the things we say and do have consequences, and sometimes those consequences don't disappear overnight.

And a choice I made has had consequences that is going to take a lot of hard work to rectify.  If it was only me that needed the work it wouldn't be so difficult, but there is a relationship in this equation that also needs restoration, and because of my choice I came very close to messing it up beyond repair.

Our brains are enormously intricate and mysterious.  Mine tricked me into believing that if I close my eyes and hold my breath, the problem would just go away.  Much the same way your brain makes you forget certain things after a traumatic experience.

Lucky for me, God refused to let me forget and He kept reminding me that I was heading down a very dangerous and messy path.  I tried justifying my choice, but I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I was going to have to turn around and never look back.  And in order to receive healing I was going to have to confess and tell the truth (all of it) to the person that would be hurt by this the most.  To say that I was scared senseless would be the understatement of the year.

But I made my decision and I hoped and prayed that I wasn't too late and that he would know that I was sincere in my apology.  It was difficult, because our instinctive human nature is to omit things so that it doesn't make you look completely evil or bad, but I forced myself to be brutally honest and (for lack of a better description) I spilled the beans.

I've been on the receiving end of grace and compassion before, but when he extended his offer of grace and forgiveness, I was overwhelmed.  Yes, you're right, it's not over yet and it will take a lot of hard work to restore the trust, but I have hope.

I have learnt the hard way, that the truth truly does set you free and I hope that in sharing this with you, it motivates you to speak the truth and experience freedom.  And we should never think that we can do this on our own.  We are not strong enough.  That's why the following is so true:

Matthew 19:26  "Humanly speaking, it is impossible.  But with God everything is possible."