Serving Suggestion

Oh, but I didn’t want to write this blog.  With all my heart I didn’t want to.  I kid you not I’ve been trying to avoid putting these words on paper for about a month now.  Obviously I failed.

I take great pleasure in re-reading and re-watching my favourite stories, and sometimes a story leaves such an amazingly deep impact on my heart and emotions that it ends up being the biggest influence in my personal decisions and struggles.

One such a story is the beautiful Arthurian Legends.  And seeing as they are just that, legends, interpretation by various writers and directors leave you with quite a few versions to choose from.  My favourite version is the BBC’s Merlin.

In a nutshell, Merlin serves Arthur relentlessly and wholeheartedly for a total of ten years, continuously putting his own life in danger in order to save Arthur’s.  All while hiding the biggest secret of his whole life:  Merlin has magic; something that has been outlawed and is punishable by death.  It’s not something he has chosen, it is something he was born with and he learns to use it for the destiny of his King and the Kingdom.

Now, I look at this young boy and I struggle to comprehend how he is able to serve without complaint, without seeking recognition and without once putting himself first.  His destiny, his job and his secret presses down heavily on his young shoulders and he can’t share it for fear of being persecuted.  How do you do that?  How do you step away from yourself and give everything to something you might not even see fulfilled in your lifetime?  And it is worth mentioning that he didn’t start out liking Arthur all that much.  Actually, the two of them couldn’t stand each other in the beginning: Arthur was a spoiled brat and Merlin was a mouthy teenager with no regard for the proper way to address your prince (Arthur only later stepped into his destiny as King of Camelot).  So, tell me, how do you keep pushing forward, focusing on the greater story, staying humble and serving without complaint?

And to rub it in even deeper, I ended up reading the story of Joseph in the Bible.  Great.  Just what I needed: another reminder that my servant attitude leaves a lot to be desired.

Joseph was the favourite.  I’m sure his dad loved all the boys pretty much the same, but he was very fond of Joseph in particular.  Now, Joseph didn’t ask for this; he didn’t demand to be the favourite, but he was and it cost him dearly.  Seriously, look at how his own flesh and blood treats him: Firstly he almost dies because they couldn’t stand the sight of the “favourite”.  Luckily one of his older brothers intervenes and he only ends up being thrown in a well.  Think about that for a minute.  Who wants to end up in a well?  A dingy, stinky, dirty, dark well.  But that’s not even the worst.  They decide to sell him and in the process they make their father believe he is dead.  Who wants brothers like that?  Not me thanks.

And it doesn’t end there for poor Joseph.  He ends up in a foreign land where no-one likes him, he has no familiar faces to surround him and he probably ends up hating his circumstances profusely.  But things turn around a bit and he eventually occupies a position that gives him a lot of power; including power over his brothers.  Trust me, I know exactly what I would have done were I in his shoes.  So maybe it’s a good thing I wasn’t.

Do you understand now why I didn’t want to write this blog?  Nobody likes being reminded that they should turn the other cheek, serve humbly, not seek recognition all while building someone else’s dream.  We’ve all been there, I’m sure, and we’ve all complained, grumbled, moaned and hated every second of it.  Because, let’s face it, you would much rather be doing what makes you happy, working towards your own dreams and desires.

So how do you keep smiling even if the burden of serving in less than favourable circumstances is pushing you into the ground?

Honestly, I don’t know.  I haven’t perfected it yet.  Oh, wait, no, I haven’t even seriously started working at it.  I have however, perfected grumbling.

But here’s what I do know: 

Merlin kept serving Arthur because he knew there was a bigger picture.  He knew that it would serve a much larger purpose even though his day to day struggles seemed too much for one man to carry.  He did it for the Kingdom; he aimed for the future and in doing so he saw an Arthur who rose to the occasion and became the Once and Future King.

Joseph had no idea where he was headed until one day he was in a position to save the land from hunger, starvation and devastation.  And even though his brothers treated him unfairly, he kept looking at the fact that he was able to help so many people on such a large scale.

Maybe that is the answer: getting that revelation of the larger purpose, the bigger picture.  I know…you’ve heard this before.  It doesn’t make it less true.  It also doesn’t make it less difficult.  And ignoring it won’t make it go away.  So the sooner you decide to actively believe in and search out the bigger, larger purpose and revelation, the more sense your current struggle will make.

I wish we had a map, clear as daylight, but we don’t, so let’s make this one choice: squint until you can see the bigger picture on the horizon.

Destiny

Given enough time to look at the word “Destiny”, I think we must all eventually agree that it comes complete with a very weighty and daunting definition.  We’ve all wondered, at some point in our lives and existence, what our destiny is; why we are here.

A lot of people are of the opinion that destiny picks you and, try as you might, you can’t change it, you can’t escape it.  Others believe that you make your own destiny; you are the one that decides what you want to be a part of and how your life will turn out.

The first belief implies that you have absolutely no control over the path you walk and the choices you make.  This is overwhelming, scary and unacceptable for the control freaks among us.  It implies that we are mindless, will-less and choice-less in all matters pertaining to our future.

The second belief implies that, even though each and every one of us has a destiny, we can choose to ignore it, sail around it and avoid it at all cost.  It implies that, even if you were born for a purpose, you can choose to hide in a corner and not fulfil it.  For those of us who like structure and guidance, this is a truly scary thought.

Personally I believe that there are a little bit of both scenarios rolled up into the matter of our destiny.  And this might sound like the “middle ground cop-out”…and you might be right, maybe I am trying to soothe my own mind and trick it into not freaking out.

So let’s give it a whirl and see what we come up with.  I’ll obviously do this analysis from my own frame of reference…because it’s the only frame I have.  But please feel free to figure it out for yourself.

Look, I would love it if the first belief was true.  It would mean that I would walk into my destiny without having to try very hard.  Let’s say I was meant to be a corporate giant in the obscure property market: I would ensure that potential buyers found the perfect private island on which to establish their own personal paradise...or whatever is rich people do for fun.  If I was going to become that giant anyway, why would I want to work for it?  Why would I spend the time studying or acquiring what I need to fulfil my destiny?  I could just sit back, do whatever I want and the opportunities would come knocking at my door.  Fine, I know I’m being a bit extreme, but isn’t that what it boils down to?

On the flip-side, you might be destined to become something you have absolutely no interest in or desire to become.  And try as you might, you can’t make a success of anything else except the one thing you would rather NOT be doing.

It works both ways.

Then you have the “I have a destiny, but I don’t actually want to fulfil it” scenario.  I believe there might be more truth in this one, to be honest.  Yes, you’re supposed to become a great scientist who continuously conquers the next big scare, saves the world and immediately starts working on the next challenge. Or whatever seems awesome and humble and not self-serving.  It’s a great destiny to have, but for some reason you decide that you don’t want to fulfil it.  It doesn’t mean you are a bad person; it also doesn’t mean that there will be a great big hole in the world because now no-one can figure out the cure for whatever disease might try to wipe out the human race next. It just means that someone else will probably fill your shoes, life will go on and you will do something else with your future.

But, let’s be honest, we are all desperately searching for our destiny; our reason for being here, so when we do find out what it is, a definite feeling of relief washes over us.  It gives us purpose, focus and fulfilment.  So why would you choose to ignore your destiny when you’ve spent your whole life searching for it?  Wouldn’t it be easier if our destiny was built into our DNA from conception and we would instinctively know where to go, what to do, how to pursue it?

Well, I think to a certain extent, that’s exactly what happens.  Anybody can do anything; we all have the potential, but all of us have different passions, desires, beliefs and things we choose to do in our spare time.  THAT is what pushes you in a specific direction.  You have the potential for anything built into your DNA (yes, of course you can also be a superhero, why not?), but you have the knack for specific things engraved into your character.

That’s why you sign up for knitting classes, language classes, sketching classes or self-defence classes (for that superhero destiny, right?); and your friend signs up for cake-decorating classes, math tutoring classes and drum lessons.  Your knack is different from your friends.

And that is so exciting.  No, not the knitting classes…personally I don’t think it’s that exciting, it was just an example, really.  No, I mean it’s exciting that every one of us can do anything.  Forget about the stuff you are naturally attracted to.  Okay, no, wait, don’t forget about it entirely, there is a reason you like them so much.  What I mean is, try to concentrate on the truth of you being able to do anything.

Anything.

I’ll give you a moment to think about it, because it’s huge.

Anything.

It’s not that easy though.  I apologize profusely for bringing you back from your epiphany, but we all know that going after something you really want to do is going to be hard work.  I suffer from that disappointment too.  Sometimes I throw a full-on adult tantrum because I so desperately want my destiny to be easy.  My heart longs for something, I set my sights on it and I work towards it…and then it is just so difficult!  You reach out, you network, you speak to anybody and everybody with ears, but it stays out of reach.  You run out of options, you try all the angles, you struggle because the finances just aren’t there, the resources seem to elude you and everything seems to stay just outside your periphery.

It sucks.   I hate it when it happens, I hate it when it affects me, I hate it when my efforts don’t show any fruit and I hate it when people keep telling me that I shouldn’t lose heart.  I’ve had enough experience with disappointment…I know how it feels.

I’m sorry, but I’m also going to tell you to keep heart, keep at it, keep working.  Not because I believe it with every fibre of my being, but because my head tells me it’s true; because it HAS to be true.  I see the evidence in people’s lives, not necessarily always in my own life, but I do see evidence of it.  And it’s enough evidence to make me realize that there must be some truth in it. So this is me believing that, yes, I have a destiny that is partially engraved in who I am, but I also choose that destiny for myself and it will absolutely not fall in my lap.  I have to work at what I want; I cannot give up; I have to pick myself up and I have to pursue it wholeheartedly.  And I can do absolutely anything.

It can be done.  You can do it and I can do it.  So what do you say?  Want to give it go?

Share Your Island

“No man is an island,

Entire of itself,

Every man is a piece of the continent,

A part of the main.”

I’m pretty sure the poet, a man by the name of John Donne, was a very intelligent individual for his time.  It’s not really hard to see that from the four lines of poetry quoted above; and if you take the time to read up about him, it’s interesting to see how he has grown out of poverty to become a member of parliament as well as the Dean of St Paul’s Cathedral.

He’s right, of course, nobody could really lock themselves away from civilization and expect to prosper.  But I have to admit, I’m not so sure that I’m comfortable with the idea of sharing my island with people.

Just think about all the amazing photographs you’ve ever seen of small secluded islands; think of all the secret wishes you’ve sighed to the heavens when you see that beautiful idyllic piece of land far away from the idiots and lunatics you have to share your space with.

Some time ago I realized exactly how easy it was for me to become a hermit.  Let’s face it, it’s much easier to convince yourself to stay at home with a good book, a good movie or great music than it is to dress up and subject yourself to meeting new people and making small talk.

Or maybe it’s just me.  Fine, I’ll admit it, whenever I’m invited to something my first instinct is always to make an excuse.  I love being at home, by myself doing what I love.  And it’s hard work to meet new people and try to find common ground for a conversation.

But I also realized that building walls around myself is not healthy at all.  I tend to become quiet in conversation once I’ve been in seclusion for a while, which gives the impression that I’m not interested, and that’s rude.  When you’re perceived as being rude, people generally start keeping you at arm’s length.  At first you might think that is the perfect response, because you like being alone anyway, right?

Nope, in the end you’ll have pushed everyone away and what do you have left?  Yourself.  And we all know that our own conversation has the ability to get boring very soon.

That’s not all though.  We need people in our life to grow, to bounce ideas off of, to build dreams with, to make plans with, and to conquer fears with.  Our closest friends are the ones that pull us out of the emotional turmoil we might be stuck in, they’re the ones who shift our focus in the right direction.

I’m not saying you should fill your life with a thousand friends if that’s not your style.  I’m saying that you should allow people in your life that build you up, make you laugh and kick your behind when you’re being stupid.

Those are the ones worth sharing your island with.

It isn’t easy.  How do I know if someone is worth allowing in my life?  Let me tell you what I do.  My general rule of thumb is:  If they know how to laugh at themselves and don’t take life too seriously, they’re definitely a candidate for my island.  So find that one thing that’s the most important to you and make that the Backstage Pass to your island.

“Any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind.”

*Free Gift With Purchase

Some time ago I impulsively decided to buy a CD.  Now, usually I don’t spend money impulsively; I generally invest a lot of time into research and making sure that I’m getting a good chunk of value for what I’m spending.  And let’s face it, it’s always a gamble with CD’s, right?  You inevitably only like about 3 songs on there and the rest of it is rubbish or boring.  But I just closed my eyes and bought it, because I really liked that one song.

To be honest, I didn’t even know the band existed until a few months ago; I didn’t know if they had any other albums; and I certainly had no idea whether any of the songs on that CD would even be something I would like.

Boy, was I surprised!  Pleasantly surprised!  I popped it into the CD player of my car on my way home and by the time song number 5 came around, I was air-punching with pure ecstasy.  There was no doubt in my mind, I got value for my money.

We all know that it doesn’t always work like that, right?  I’ve had my fair share of disappointments over the years because the thing I bought just didn’t do what it said on the tin.  Or maybe I just expected more than was ever intended, I don’t know.  The fact remains, more often than not we expect something and then it’s not what we had hoped for.

An experience like that has the potential to dull our spirits and turn us sour.  Inevitably we approach the world with a cynicism that poisons us from the inside, influencing our behaviour in a negative way.

There is one thing though; one glorious and amazing thing that turns out to be exactly what it says on the tin.  No, wait, it’s actually more.  It is so much more.

Salvation…

…the saving of the soul from sin and its consequences.

This is something big and to delve into the absolute meaning of salvation is going to make my head spin, in all honesty.  But what I do know is that my salvation through Jesus Christ is abundantly more than I could ever imagine or think.  I “purchased” the decision to give everything I am, everything I worry about and everything I dream about over to the One and Only God.  And in return I received the “free gift” of eternal life, freedom from sin and the love of God; the One who has my best interest at heart.  The One who won’t let any harm come to me.

Forget about that free bag you get when you buy a specified quantity of cosmetic products.  Forget about the free hands-free set you get when you purchase a new phone.  Forget about the 11 other songs on that CD that turned out to be just as good as the one I liked in the beginning.

The most important *Free Gift With Purchase you will ever receive is the gift of eternal life from a God that loves you unreservedly and unconditionally.

Feeling The Moment

We all agree that life is made up of a succession of moments; or at least, that's how I see it.  Someone clever, who used to be in my life quite a long time ago, used to say: "A moment is over once you've thought about it."

To be perfectly honest, I've never really allowed myself to think about that phrase too much.  I guess I'm scared that my brain might cease up from trying to over-think and over-analyze it.  Like trying to divide by zero; we all know that the universe will implode, and for the sake of the greater good I figured I better not risk it!  So, I'm sorry to disappoint, but you're going to have to figure that one out for yourself.

Because here's the thing: if the moment is over once it has crossed your mind, doesn't that mean that life is made up of a lot of lost and fleeting moments?  Which kind of makes me wonder if life's moments are supposed to be slippery, lost and mostly gone.  A little negative, don't you think?  I mean, it makes me feel like I have absolutely no control over my moments, which I highly doubt to be true.

Now, before you label me a control-freak, understand one thing: I absolutely, without a doubt am one.  Just like everyone else on this planet.  We all wish to be in control of certain - if not all - aspects of our lives.  But this is actually not the point I'm driving towards.

Quite some time ago I read a very interesting article written by very clever individuals in which they speculate what it would be like if we were able to live forever, or at the very least, a few hundred years.  We've all toyed with the idea of having more time at our disposal.  Let's think about Vampires (bear with me) and their ability to live for hundreds, sometimes thousands, of years.  They are able to learn to play every instrument imaginable, obtain every degree they wish, speak all the languages of the world, should that be their desire.  All because they have so much time on their hands.

But in the article mentioned above, the very clever individuals come to the conclusion that it wouldn't be so much fun to live hundreds of years.  Why?  Because our perception of time changes.  Think about it; when you were 8 years old your days stretched before you in endless moments of fun, sun, games and ice-cream.  The older you get, the less time you think you have.  Your days feel shorter, the years fly by and before you know it you haven't even found the time to make arrangements for your retirement.  The longer you live, the quicker time flies by; so, if you live to be 200 or even 300 years old, time would be a fleeting and unobtainable blur.

What is my point, then?  Maybe it's a good thing that we only get to live, on average, 70 to 80 years. It's difficult knowing that you won't live forever, because it's scary.  And losing someone is such a stark reminder that life is fleeting in the grand scheme of things.  But don't let that overwhelm you. I believe we appreciate life more when we know we don't have too much of it.  And I also believe it is possible to slow down time.  Yes, yes I do!

Make the decision to not let your time be stolen by things, people or moments that force you to rush.  We all know what these are in our lives; it's different for everyone.  I've said it before and I'll say it again:  Slow down.  Walk slower.  Pause somewhere.  Open your eyes.  See things clearly.  

Walk.  Slower.

Age of Integrity

First, let me apologize for the cold sweat and the shivers down your spine that the word up there just caused. I know the feeling and let me tell you, I’m not a big fan of the discomfort I feel whenever I’m confronted with the big “I”. When this word first cropped up in the recesses of my mind, I decided to Google it. Big mistake let me tell you. A big mistake if you hate the truth, I have to add. I spent approximately five seconds looking at the definition and realized that I, like so many others, had no idea exactly what it meant.

Wikipedia’s first sentence immediately had me swallowing uncomfortably:  “…a concept of consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations and outcomes.”

Dictionary.com didn’t help much either: “…soundness of moral character, honesty.”

And the Mirriam Webster version added the final accusing nail to the already doomed coffin of justification: “…Incorruptibility; an unimpaired condition; the quality or state of being complete or undivided.”

I don’t know about you, but all of a sudden I feel completely and utterly useless and incompetent.  It begs the question: Who can truly live up to displaying a life of integrity?

And then the justification steps in. That coffin I mentioned earlier?  It’s made up entirely of our justifications; trying to convince ourselves that integrity is an unobtainable virtue and as soon as we’ve convinced ourselves that integrity is not as important as we are lead to believe, we bury ourselves in a life of mediocrity and slavery to lies.

Do you know what I do when confronted with something like integrity? I close my eyes and hope it goes away. Like an ostrich I try and ignore my responsibilities. It’s not right, it’s not healthy and it won’t help me in the long run, but I still do it.

What do you think will happen if we keep ignoring integrity and it becomes extinct? I believe it will be an apocalypse of sorts. We will wake up to a world of ash and dust, breathing in chemicals that will leave us gasping for air. We will have to start a revolution just to ensure that integrity becomes a part of everyday life again.

And here’s the thing, integrity isn’t optional. God tells us in His Word: “Just say ‘yes’ and ‘no.’ When you manipulate words to get your own way, you go wrong.” (Matthew 5:37 MSG); and also in James 5:12 (MSG): “Just say yes or no. Just say what is true. That way, your language can’t be used against you.” It doesn’t get simpler than that: Say what you mean, mean what you say and do what is right.  Don’t bend the truth to cover your behind and if you’re doing something that is technically not illegal but you still feel uncomfortable doing it? Guess what, integrity demands that you stop doing it immediately. We shouldn’t even be wandering around in the “grey areas”.

Look, I’m not saying this is an easy thing to do, but it’s definitely something we are all called and empowered to do. We have to be soldiers and warriors of the age of integrity. Ha! I’m getting all excited! I’ve always wanted to be a warrior. And look, I’ve even found us an anthem:

"I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones, enough to make my systems blow, welcome to the new age." - Radioactive by Imagine Dragons.

Your Hall of Fame

Throughout my life I’ve found myself simultaneously inspired and impressed by individuals who have become so extremely good at what they do, that the world can’t help but take note.  These people have figured out what they are passionate about and they’ve made the decision to pursue it.

I’m not talking about prodigies; that would be a whole different level of genius.  No, I’m talking about people who have put in the effort, the blood, sweat, tears, hours and hard work to become exceptionally good at what they love.  They didn’t sit back and wait for something to fall in their lap; they didn’t become famous for being famous; and they certainly didn’t expect anyone to do it for them.

I just know that you’re dying to hear an example…right?  Here you go:

Let’s have a look at a guy named Rick Allen.  He is 49 years old and he is the drummer for Def Leppard.  He has one arm.  The clincher is he had to have his arm amputated after he had already been playing with the band for a while.  Now, in my opinion he would have been completely justified if he decided to stop playing altogether and pursue a different career path.  He didn’t.  He looked at his situation and took a different approach to drumming to enable him to keep doing what he loves most.

Maybe you have encountered someone in your life that has inspired you; someone that has beaten all odds to do what no-one else thought they would be able to do.

Sometimes I’m motivated by other people’s success and sometimes (I have to be brutally honest) I’m just a little bit intimidated.  If I’m not careful I could easily become depressed when I look at what others have done with their life compared to my own.

Look, I’m not talking about seeking fame here.  Being famous is not the end goal of life.  Yes, I know I’ve chosen to call this “Your Hall of Fame”, but that’s just the point: This is your hall of fame.  Once you’ve discovered the one thing in life that you are willing to sacrifice for, it doesn’t matter whether other people approve or not.  Your hall of fame is not a place where you are being worshiped as a celebrity, dishing out autographs on the red carpet, smiling at the camera and fighting off crazed fans.

Your hall of fame is a private place, the place where you know that you have given it your all and the result has made you happy and the world around you a better place.

I’m also not saying that becoming famous for a natural talent that you have cultivated and dedicated yourself to is wrong.  No, this is not about distinguishing between “good” and “better” talents and passions.  This is about knowing what you want to achieve in life and making every effort to do it.

Oh, here’s another thing that I used to struggle with: I always thought that I had to have my destiny, passion and talents figured out by the time I was 18 (at the latest), because that’s what Hollywood tells you; that’s what the 4 year old with his little fire truck makes you believe.  Let me tell you a secret: I’m 36 years old and I only recently figured out exactly what I would love to do with the rest of my life.

Let me leave you with one last thought, because these guys say it better than I could:

“Don’t wait for luck, dedicate yourself and you can find yourself standing in the hall of fame.”

Feeling The Moment

We all agree that life is made up of a succession of moments; or at least, that's how I see it. Someone very clever, who used to be in my life quite some time ago, used to say:  "A moment is over once you've thought about it."

To be perfectly honest, I've never really allowed myself to think about that phrase too much.  I guess I'm scared that my brain might cease up from trying to over-think and over-analyze (the way I usually do).  It might even be like trying to divide by zero: the universe might implode!  So, I'm sorry to disappoint, but you're going to have to figure that one out for yourself.

Because here's the thing.  If the moment is over once it has crossed your mind, doesn't that mean life is made up of a lot of lost and fleeting moments?  Which kind of makes me wonder if life's moments are supposed to be slippery, lost and mostly gone.  A little negative, don't you think?  I mean, it makes me feel like I have absolutely no control over my moments; which I highly doubt to be true.

Personally I prefer being in control (well, I guess most of us feel that we need to be in control of 99.9% of our lives); this means that I prefer thinking of moments as long drawn-out experiences that I choose to enjoy slowly, thoughtfully and passionately.  Almost the way I would enjoy, say, dreamy ice-cream with caramel sauce.  I'll leave you with that image for a while...you're welcome.

Anyway, my point is actually very simple:  You determine how long you want a moment to last.  I know, life gives you really boring, annoying, frustrating, heart-breaking moments, and sometimes you wish for them to be over in the blink of an eye.  But I actually want to encourage you to not rush any of your moments.  We all know that we learn stuff even if it doesn't feel like we're learning stuff, so instead of closing your eyes and sprinting past a moment, why don't you light a candle and spend some time with it.

Yes, a candle.  Light one.  It will make the experience awesome; just like running with a cape is more awesome than running without one!

Oh, and obviously you can totally create your own moments...they don't always "just happen".  Go get them...with your cape, your ice-cream and your candle.

Breaking The Deadline

I have to admit, it’s rather ironic that the one word that kept running around in my mind these past few weeks, is “deadline”.  Ironic in the sense that the deadline for this blog crept up on me like Luke Skywalker on that ominous Death Star; I did not see it coming!  But here I am, penning down a piece about deadlines while almost missing my deadline on this piece about deadlines.

In all honesty, I (and I suspect many of you) thoroughly and passionately hate deadlines.  Unfortunately deadlines are an integral part of our daily lives and unless you strap on a jetpack and leave this planet, you’ll find it very hard to escape them.  And, to be fair, they are actually a necessary part of helping a business or company achieve their goals, reaching their ideals and delivering on their promises.  I guess you could say in a sense a promise is just a lie if there’s no deadline.

But I’ve come to realize that I have gotten into the habit of burdening myself with deadlines that shouldn’t even be deadlines.  At first this thought seemed ridiculous to me, but the more I spent time on it, I realized that somewhere in the back of my mind I always found that I was racing towards something; putting time limits on things that no-one forced me to put a time limit on in the first place.

For instance, I find myself forever dividing my evenings into how much time I have before I absolutely have to go to sleep, because that would dictate how many episodes of my favourite series I can squeeze in.  I know I’m the only person in the whole wide world that does this, right?  Also, I constantly have to stop myself from feeling like I’m missing out on stuff because I haven’t had the time yet to experience them, mainly because you think you have to have certain things in your life in place by the time you reach a certain age.

This kind of thinking definitely has a negative effect on my emotions and if I don’t make my self-inflicted deadline, I feel disappointed and that I have somehow failed at something.  Writing it down like this causes a cock-your-head-to-the-side-with-a-“duh”-frown reaction, because how do I not know this?  Isn’t this supposed to be common sense?

Not so much.  I get sucked in by the busyness and deadlines around me and I am pretty sure I’m not the only one who feels this way.

So I’ve made a decision: walk slower.  Just let those two words sink in for a second. I realized that by deliberately walking slower I allow myself more time to see things, hear things, experience things, meet people.  It forces me to spend more time in a particular place, putting me in the perfect position to open up to things that I otherwise never would have noticed were there.

Let me tell you, I’ve been doing this for the past month and I’ve noticed a difference.  The less I rush towards imaginary deadlines, the more I carefully pick the things I want to spend time on; and that means that my spirit and my heart becomes healthier, which opens them up to even more invigorating experiences and moments.  Even my mind has started wandering towards more creative places, and we all know that a creative mind is a healthy mind!

If you're up for the challenge I dare you to deliberately focus your mind away from your unnecessary deadlines.  In doing so you will be breaking the deadline and opening up your life to so much more.  Walk slower.

Born To Run

The opening scenes of two of my favourite TV shows feature someone running for dear life:  One of them is running through snow-covered woods in the middle of the night, while the other is scaling treacherous mountainous terrain on an uncharted island on an overcast day.  Both of them are running because their lives depend on it.

As the snow turns her bare feet into ice and the woods loom over her like the bringer of doom it always appears to be in the dark, Max is running away from captivity, experimentation, torture and militant brainwashing. Oliver’s tortured body barely even registers the pain inflicted by the sharp and jagged edges of the mountains he’s grown so accustomed to during the last five years, but now at least he is running towards something: his home, his family and his destiny.

The above situations aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive.  In its most basic form it stands to reason that when you are running away from something it also means that you are running towards something else.  More than once in my life I’ve run.  I’m still running.

Let me ask you this:

Do you ever feel like you are standing outside of your life?  Even with everyone and everything around you, do you feel isolated, maybe even hunted?  It might even seem that you are parallel to this world you exist in, but you are not in it?  Almost like two train tracks that run alongside each other but they never intersect.

You’ve considered running, physically running away and starting a life somewhere different; somewhere that allows you to start with a clean slate, a new vision, a different mind-set.  But where do you run?  What would you have to do to run away completely, disappear completely?  Or do you just distance yourself emotionally and mentally from everyone and everything around you?  How would that affect the people in your life that care about you?  What do you tell them when you stand at the door with a bag in your hand and no real plans for the immediate future?

In all honesty, I’ve had this feeling many times before.  I’ve dreamed of packing a bag with the bare necessities, skipping town (skipping my life) and making my way somewhere so different it would force me to be completely different.  I even had a mental checklist:  Close bank accounts, delete email accounts, Facebook accounts, all social media traces.

I’ve found myself longing for the open road, a new beginning and an opportunity at anonymity in a strange and new land, but I didn’t know why I had this turmoil inside of me, why my heart ached for such freedom and my soul longed for a new identity.  Sometimes you experience urgency inside your spirit that pushes you so hard that you feel you need to take drastic steps to distance yourself from whatever is holding you back.  Maybe your gift, your passion, your calling, your destiny is setting you apart.  Maybe that is the thing that is hiking up your heart rate, causing the shallow breathing; almost like you are being chased.

Does running help?  Maybe.  If not running, what then?  Could running be channelled into something else?  Possibly.  Every single one of us is unique.  So my urgency to run will definitely be different from yours.  It doesn’t mean it’s wrong; it doesn’t mean it’s right.  All it means is that we need to figure out why we feel compelled to run and where we are being pushed towards.

So figure out your why and where.  The best way to do this?  I would suggest that it’s about having an open and honest heart to heart with God.  After all, He’s the one that created you for exactly this time and place.

So turn to Him.  You might end up running into the outstretched arms of your destiny…

That Pesky "Why?"

Yesterday my boss kept asking "Why? Why? Why?" like a child.  Eventually I told him to shut up and he laughed, saying that he can't tell his three year old to shut up, he'd have to come up with a better answer than that.  Which, I guess, is probably true.  But that reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend whom I haven't spoken to in a very long time.  And even though it would have been much more enjoyable to have the conversation face to face, we made a pretty good effort over Facebook.

So, Deidre, you inspired this post, thank you for that!

Please understand that I can't hope to even remotely be in the same galaxy as Wisdom, but I've been through my fair share of "why?" moments.  Let me tell you, they suck.  A lot.  And just because you hear of others that have gone through the same valleys, marshes, quicksand and fiery pits, doesn't mean it makes it easier for you.  It's your pit and you're tasked with the wonderful mission of going through it.  Yay.

But here's the thing, you are going through it.  And do you know what the secret is?  It's quite simple in my opinion (fine, simple is probably not the word you guys would use for the situation you're in, but I'm using it anyway).  

Keep asking the questions; keep asking why; keep knocking at that door and don't stop...for anything.  Do you want to know why?  Of course you do.  Do it, because the answers are coming.  Like a tsunami raging through your questions, the answers will flatten them, make sense of them and rebuild them.  It's the natural order of things.  Just like life and death, a question has an answer, and that answer will come when you keep asking the question.

Again, I'm not saying it's going to be easy.  You might be sitting there reading this thinking that you've asked the same question for 10 years, 15 years, 25 years and it still doesn't look like the answer is anywhere in sight.  I know, it's horrible, and nothing I say will make the strain go away in the blink of an eye.  But it gives hope and hope is a very powerful thing.  As long as there is hope you are moving forward; and as long as you're moving forward you are moving in the direction of the answer.

Oh, and please don't get distracted by answers to other people's questions.  I'm preaching to myself here.  Seeing others getting their answers while you're still waiting in painful silence is not the easiest thing in the world.  Everything inside of you rebels and you want to smash something because life is just unfair.  I know...again...it sucks.  But think about it, their answer was not made for your question.  Your question is unique, therefore your answer will be unique.  

So I ask you very nicely, please don't ever stop asking questions. Ever.  The answers will come and they will be gloriously beautiful and perfect, because that's who you are.

Our Born Identity

This blog previously appeared on www.1africa.tv

When I was younger (and when I say younger, I have to admit that I’m still convinced I’m “younger”) I used to think it would be really cool to discover that I have hidden talents.  Almost like being a secret agent.  More specifically, I would have loved to discover that I was Jason Bourne.

When you think about the Bourne movies and the fact that Jason Bourne can’t remember who he is, what makes him unique or what his character flaws or attributes are, it’s pretty scary.  But then his muscles, his body, the synapses in his brain remember how to move, how to defend and how to disarm.  Him discovering that he has skills that he is unable to recall until it is absolutely needed, must be amazing, but also alarming at the same time.   How did he come by these skills?  How did he get trained?  Who is he?  What is he?

Apart from the obvious setbacks of course I’d love to be able to discover some hidden awesomeness about myself that makes me the best there is in a particular field. I wouldn’t want to lose my memory or my sense of self though.  Funnily enough, I think I may have stumbled across something that I didn’t know I had in me until the moment presented itself.

A few weeks ago my character and integrity was attacked out of the blue and I was accused of things that simply weren’t true.  Now normally (as I believe most people would react) I would rant and rave about how unfair it is that another person could think that they have the right to judge me when they haven’t made the time to even get to know me.  Bear in mind that this person has never been in my immediate world, which means they have never seen how I conduct myself.  I’m sure you will agree that I would have been justified in displaying a temper flare-up.

The weird thing was though, I didn’t react negatively.  I didn’t go off at anybody within ear-shot about how unfair this judgment was and I didn’t get offended or blame that person for saying those things.  In that second, that moment, my anger didn’t dictate my actions; I didn’t even feel any anger.  I was simply able to take a tiny step back and see it for what it was: not a true reflection of me.

Thinking back now, I’d love to say that I exhibited my inner Wolverine in that moment.  Wolverine probably had no idea that first day that he would be able to control his anger even a little bit.  When the scientists first experimented on him he must have been in extreme and excruciating pain and that pain grew into anger.  To such an extent that he became a recluse, because he had no control over his anger and what it could make him do.  But life placed him in situations, in moments, that slowly but surely taught him to be in control of his emotions, which in turn kept him from hurting innocents.

I think that is what happens to all of us.  We don’t become Superheroes overnight; and even the most composed person on earth still has to make a conscious decision to not get angry.  I believe that growth is the answer; and not just growth, but the choice to grow through your circumstances, through your negative moments and through uncontrollable outside influence.

We have all been “trained” like Jason Bourne, whether we remember the moments or not, so that when we are placed in a situation that requires a particular skill set, we are ready.  Once you choose to grow and learn, you will eventually turn into someone that is able to distribute amazing maturity and contentment, no matter what is thrown your way.

No, I’m not saying that we will turn into emotionless, tactless, uniform robots.  We will be better versions of ourselves, and essentially that is where I want to be: A better version of myself.

The Perception Filter

This post was previously published on www.1africa.tv.

Having a Perception Filter is probably one of the most naturally human tendencies each and every one of us has. Of course you may disagree and that is okay, but give yourself a moment to think about it and you might understand what I mean.

In my personal opinion, the genre of sci-fi mostly is a good reflection of what is happening in our society today (Or maybe it’s just because I love it so much that I think it’s ‘da bomb!’).  I say mostly, because not all science fiction is bearable.  Some is just downright awful and painful.  Here’s what I mean:

In the British Cult Sci-fi show Doctor Who, The Doctor (a Time Lord traveling through time and space, but favouring our planet, of course) once had to alter the perception of people around him in order to get what he needed to save the planet and the existence of human life as we know it.  Now, technically it’s a bit scary to think that someone has the power to alter your perception without you even realizing it, but that started me thinking…

I hardly ever listen to the radio or watch the news, but as we all know, we live in an extremely well connected world because of the internet and the different media platforms we are surrounded by.  So obviously we catch glimpses of headlines, particularly the Oscar Pistorius story that is still making headlines.

The media loves being in charge of what we perceive, what we encounter and what we believe.  It’s their job to control what the rest of the world is talking about.  To be honest, I’m not all that comfortable with the idea of strangers telling me what to think and feel.  So, in light of this, it’s always refreshing to find an artist (in this particular instance) who goes against the grain.

Let me explain:  Bon Jovi, Pink and Lifehouse, along with Natasha Bedingfield, have all recently released singles that speak contrary to mainstream Rock and Pop Music.  Bon Jovi’s “Because We Can” speaks of taking a stand and working at your relationship; Pink’s “Try” touches on how to work through the problems and obstacles of a seemingly broken relationship; and Lifehouse and Natasha Bedingfield’s “Walking Between the Raindrops” brings it home by focusing on having someone beside you during the hard times.

This made me think about my immediate world; the world that I live in, the people I encounter and the things that I allow to influence me.  How do I allow things to alter my perception of my surroundings, my friends, my family and the strangers I may encounter on the street?  Do I filter my perception through preconceived ideas of what a situation is supposed to be like, or do I judge a person by the perception I have of them due to something that may have happened in my past?  Or, do I allow someone else to control my perception filter as with The Doctor’s scenario earlier?  Do the words and actions of another individual influence my conduct towards a stranger?

Sadly, I have to admit that, as with most people, I can easily be influenced to filter my perception the wrong way, a negative way.

So, here’s my challenge (to myself and to anyone reading this):  Why don’t we determine right now that we are going to filter our perception through something reliable…or even someone reliable.  Jesus is the ultimate Perception Filter.  When God looks at us, He sees us through His Son Jesus.  When we look at people, situations and moments, we should do the same.  I’m about to give my Perception Filter a reboot (and a good old cleaning!)… this is going to be exciting!

Wanda du Toit - Author

That title up there is quite an intimidating one, and it's even a little bit scary.

But, it is also filled with excitement.  Now, before you get all confused and angsty, it basically means that I have quite a few blogs up on the 1Africa website.

If you feel like checking them out, here is a link to my Author Page on the site where you can find everything I have written so far:

www.1africa.tv/author/wanda-du-toit

Please leave comments, because comments build skill!

Have a lovely weekend!

W

Breaking the Deadline

Hello everyone!

This is just a quick note to let you know that my next blog is up on the 1Africa website.

I realized that I started putting unnecessary stress on myself by imagining deadlines where they shouldn't be.  So this blog is my two word solution to my problem...hehe!

Have a read and feel free to leave a comment if you like:

www.1africa.tv/breaking-the-deadline

Thank you and have a lovely day!

Wanda

Born To Run

Hello Everyone!

I hope the last month has been kind and exceptionally good to you.  To be honest, my month was a little bit different.  Not necessarily strange, but just different (I've been in this "strange" place before, so it is nothing new to me).

So, I wrote down what I felt, experienced and feared and if you would like, you are more than welcome to read all about it over on the 1Africa website.

Here's the link:

http://www.1africa.tv/born-to-run/#.UZxTRLX-EiM

Have a lovely day, and may the month ahead be absolutely amazing!

Love

W

Our Born Identity

Hello everybody!

I just wanted to let you know that my next blog is up.  Go check it out here:

http://www.1africa.tv/our-born-identity/#.UXZ9HbX-FAg

And while you are there you are welcome to browse around the site; they do amazing things!

Have a lovely day!

Baby Steps

I've always been inspired and drawn in by anything Time Travel related, so I've been aware that sometimes time is so relevant, it seems that it is traveling at a completely different speed for you than for anyone else.

Which brings me to my baby steps:

I've always loved writing and stories and I've always wondered how I'd be able to do that as a "job".  My opportunity finally came in the form of a friend who asked if I'd be willing to blog for a website.

So, here it is, my very first blog on someone else's site!  It went live this morning, so you are very welcome to go and check it out and let me know what you think:

http://www.1africa.tv/the-perception-filter/#.UVFnsuQ_tYd

Have yourself an amazing day!

Infatuation

If I were to ask anyone in my immediate world whether they've ever been infatuated, in love, smitten or star struck, I'm sure not one of them will be able to say no.

I remember, when I was 12 years old, I had this intense star struck infatuation with Bryan Adams; I loved his music and I thought he was hot! (I also believed without a doubt that I was going to marry him...hey, I was 12!)  And then, when I was close to finishing High School, I had this overwhelming desire to be like Jessica Alba; to me she was amazing.  (I still think so...sshh!)

And of course I've had my fair share of crushes and infatuations over the years, but here's my question:  What do you do when you're in love, infatuated and star struck?  I can't speak for everyone on this planet, but I know that personally, I try and find out everything about that person that I can lay my hands on.  For instance, Bryan Adams once handed out information cards at one of his concerts that contained the address of the World Wildlife Federation and asked all the concert goers to fill in their details and appeal to save the whales.  Now, I wouldn't have known this if I wasn't interested in every detail of his life at the time.

But did you know that there's someone that's infatuated with you?  No, for real.  So infatuated that he's more present and protective than sparkly Edward Cullen in Twilight.

Check this:  Psalm 37:23 says:  "He delights in every detail of their lives."  Nah ah...don't you dare skip over that verse just because it's shorter than most.  Go back, read it again...I'll give you a moment.  Did you see it?  Do you realize what it's saying?  It's not about some creepy dude hovering over your life and making you feel uncomfortable.  No, it's about an omnipotent, everlasting God who created every single particle of every single universe; every single breath of every single living being; every single dust speck of every single exploding star; the God that stands outside of time and space and sees everything the moment it happens, all at once.  And THAT God delights in every single detail of your life; every moment you think no-one else will ever be aware of.  He delights in YOU.

Why?  Because He loves you unconditionally.  Read it again:  "unconditionally".  That means that, no matter the choices you've made, the things you've done, the struggles you have, His love for you remains constant.

"'Cause I'll be by your side wherever you fall

In the dead of night whenever you call

And please don't fight these hands that are holding you

My hands are holding you

-Tenth Avenue North-

So You Think You Can...

I thoroughly enjoy the audition rounds for shows such as American idol, Britain's Got Talent, The X-Factor and So You Think You Can Dance.  The words most often heard from my mouth during these audition rounds, are:  "What were they thinking!?"  I usually find myself laughing so hard that I end up with stomach cramps afterwards.  The entertainment value is through the roof!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not remotely close to ever being an expert about these things.  There is a very valid and grotesquely obvious reason why I've never auditioned for any such program:  I know my abilities, and most importantly, I have friends and family who love me enough to not allow me to make a fool of myself.

I'm not saying that none of us should ever try our hands at something new; and I'm definitely not saying that we should live mediocre lives if our soul, heart and spirit is passionate about something and presses us to pursue it.

My point is that we should surround ourselves with people who will tell us the truth.  If you have a friend who constantly encourages you to do something that only ends up embarrassing you and causes them to roll on the floor laughing...I'm going to venture a guess and say that your friend probably doesn't really care about your success or well-being; he only cares about entertaining himself.

This might mean that you'll have to take a long hard look at your circle of "friends" and decide whether you are going to keep allowing their counsel to influence your life negatively.

I mean, how many times are you going to believe the friend with the video camera and huge grin when he tells you that "that Superman cape will definitely make you fly dude, just make the jump!"

Be encouraged to always pursue your passions and dreams, but make sure to surround yourself with the people who have the courage to be honest when you most need it.